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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24473311">Dancing with your ghost</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/laylawallace1788/pseuds/laylawallace1788'>laylawallace1788</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Reylo one-shots [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Reylo - Fandom, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>And skyscrapers, Because I can't accept that they weren't endgame, Because that makes her sad, But knowing Disney I will probably have to give her a happy ending myself, But she deserved to be happy, Coruscant (Star Wars), Disney please give Rey the happy ending she deserves, F/M, I Love You All, I don't believe she was happy after her soulmate died, Idk why Rey moved there, Implied Poe Dameron/Finn, POV Rey (Star Wars), Probably because I'm a slut for big cities, Rey Needs A Hug, Rey is so lonely it hurts, Rey misses Ben so much, Reylo - Freeform, So now I'm mad, Sorry if it isn't, This story is supposed to be sad, also, bye, just like the author, rey is a palpatine</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 07:53:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,051</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24473311</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/laylawallace1788/pseuds/laylawallace1788</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Two years after the battle of Exegol, Rey still has trouble accepting what happened.<br/>A reylo one-shot.<br/>Post - TRoS.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rey/Ben Solo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Reylo one-shots [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1756240</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Dancing with your ghost</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello everybody!<br/>I wrote this one-shot mostly because I don't believe that Rey happily moved on with her life after what happened on Exegol.<br/>This is my version of what I believed happened.<br/>Please excuse any mistakes.<br/>Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>I stay up all night, tell myself I’m alright</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Baby, you’re just harder to see than most</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I put the record on, wait till I hear our song</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Every night I’m dancing with your ghost</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Every night I’m dancing with your ghost…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>                                                                                                            Sasha Sloan, “Dancing with your ghost”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>           When I look out into the night from the enormous windows of my penthouse, I see thousands of small, fast ships. Their passengers come from thousands of different planets and look thousands of different ways. Every person on these ships lives their life differently, each one has their own, different problems.</p><p>And I wondered why they’ve come here. Was it business-related? Was it work? Was it boredom? And I wonder if they’re happy. And I wish them my best. And then, I remember that they only can be happy now because I managed to stop Palpatine from taking over the galaxy, sacrificing my whole life in the process. And then I remember all the people I care about that sacrificed so much to fight evil. And then I realize that the passengers of those ships don’t care about that. And I stop wishing them my best.</p><p>           After the battle on Exegol ended, I returned to the Resistance base. A new, intergalactic government soon formed and I was given thousands of medals, thousands of invitations to fancy parties, thousands of people shook my hand, and congratulated me on my bravery. And I always responded that I didn’t do it alone: I had friends who had my back, people who believed in me. In the meantime, I tried to continue the Skywalker legacy. I even built my lightsaber. And then, I was given a choice – I could teach Force-sensitive children from all over the galaxy the ways of the Jedi, or I could move to a planet of my choice, with the government ensuring that I will live my life in luxuries.</p><p>And that was when I realized that continuing the Skywalker legacy was not the life I dreamed of having. So I chose the second option.</p><p>           I moved to Coruscant. A long time ago, it was the capital of the Republic, the symbol of democracy. But I can’t help but think negatively of its old days – after all, they allowed Palpatine – my grandfather – to rise to power and destroy them all.</p><p>I was given an apartment located at the top of one of the biggest skyscrapers in the city. I was also given a droid even more technically advanced that BB-8 to cater to all of my needs. Every month I’m provided with more money than I can spend. In my opinion, I live in luxuries. But then again, I’m just a girl who spent most of her life working as a dirty scavenger on Jakku – so what do I know about luxuries.</p><p>I made some friends in the government. Even though I don’t consider them to be my friends, more like acquaintances it’s polite to call them that. They invite me to parties, balls, or operas. I don’t have the time to feel bored – they make sure of that. But not all the citizens are as friendly as them, though. I’m a war hero – so I guess you could consider me a celebrity of a sort. I don’t think of myself as one, but people seem to know who I am. And many times, I can feel they think of me as less worthy – from what I heard, it’s usually because they were allies to the First Order.</p><p>           My friends, my true friends visit me from time to time. Poe and Finn refused to settle down on a single planet – but they got married instead. It came out as a surprise, but I was happy for them. Chewie flies with Lando now – I have no idea where they are. And the rest of the Resistance moved to all the places in the galaxy, being celebrated as saviors and heroes.</p><p>So, as you can see, my life is the definition of perfection. Everyone I meet tells me I must be happy – and I know I should be – but I’m not.</p><p>           Truth is, I can’t put in words how lonely I feel. All the time spent on Jakku taught me that I’m not worth coming back. That I don’t deserve to be loved or understood. That I will never belong anywhere because I’m just not worth it. The thought of my family was what stopped me from taking matters in my own hands and ending my miserable existence. And they never came back. Everything</p><p>And looking at my friends’ happiness, I can’t help feeling jealous. They were never really alone, they always had each other. They knew who they were, and they didn’t need to feel ashamed of their heritage. And most importantly, their grandfathers weren’t ruthless murderers.</p><p>          I just don’t think it’s fair. All my life I wanted nothing more than to belong, to have a family I could count on. And even though that was the thing I wanted the most, it seems to be the one thing I couldn’t get. I don’t understand why. What did I do that was so terrible that I deserved to be treated so cruelly?</p><p>          I believed in Ben. I did. When he came back for me – I realized what I wanted. I wanted us to face the world together, hand in hand. I was glad I hadn’t given up on him – everybody deserves someone who would fight for them. But Palpatine – no, he doesn’t deserve to be called my grandfather – ripped it all away, before I even had the chance to taste what true happiness would feel like.</p><p>We were a dyad in the Force. Two that are one. Soulmates, you could say. I could feel his emotions, and he could feel mine. And I didn’t want to accept it – I was afraid it would bring me closer to the dark side. Now, the sole thought of Ben made me cry, filling my whole body with the sensation of deep regret. If I only joined him, he would still be alive. He’d be resting next to me, our hands tangled together with our incredible connection as the most important thing we’d possess.</p><p>But none of that was ever meant to be.</p><p>           I know the Force is real. It’s strong with me, and I’m strong with it. But do I believe it’s the most powerful thing in the universe? No, I don’t think so.</p><p>I was never a religious person. How could I be, if the only thing that I had in mind for the last 20 years was survival? Besides, Jedi were, in fact, a religion. But am I even a Jedi? I don’t think so. I thought about training another generation of Force users, but that was not the life I want for myself. I can’t do this alone, but there’s no one left to help me.</p><p>When Ben sacrificed himself for me and became one with the Force, I heard his voice. Loud and clear, I could hear him say:</p><p>- I will always be with you.</p><p>And oh, how much I believed that.</p><p>But it was the last time I ever heard his voice.</p><p>I take a piece of paper and a pen, and I start writing.</p><p>
  <em>Dear Ben,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It’s already been two years. I think about you every day. I still miss you so much.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>In theory, I should be happy. Your sacrifice is what allows me to be here right now. The only thing I have to worry about is which fancy club I should visit and what exquisite drink to order.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I abandoned the ways of the Jedi. Yielding my lightsaber – it became too much to handle, as my mind always wandered to the sight of your body disappearing from my arms.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sometimes, when it gets lonely, I imagine you’re next to me. The thought of you choosing my life over yours is the only motivation I have to go on. I don’t want you to be disappointed with me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I try not to be sad. I try to get over your death. I know you wouldn’t like me to waste my life on grief – after all, no one’s ever really gone – but it seems like the despair is stronger than my will.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I’m having a hard time accepting the truth about my family. I was always convinced that knowing what happened to my relatives would make me feel whole – but the truth is, it made me even emptier. So, I absorbed your family’s name – Skywalker. I know I can’t compare myself to your family, but it makes me feel closer to you, to your mother – even to Luke.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Still, I hope that wherever you are, you’re at peace. But it would mean the world to me if you could give me a sign if you’re still watching over me. Please.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I love you.</em>
</p><p>           My hand trembles a bit as I’m writing the last sentence. But I don’t dare cross it out. Over the past two years, I’ve concluded that I loved Ben. I still love him. Even though I only knew him when he was torn between Kylo Ren and Ben Solo, I would have loved nothing more than getting a chance to get to know the real him. The one without the loyalty to the First Order, the one without his Supreme Leader duties, the one without all the lies that Snoke – or my grandfather – has fed him over the years.</p><p>           I hide my face in one of my pillows. I wish I wasn’t the one to die on Exegol. I wish it was Ben because then I’d be able to sacrifice myself for him. And I’d be free of all this. Because right now, I don’t feel like I deserve to live in the slightest.</p><p>           I know that sooner or later, I’ll have to find something to occupy myself with. Maybe it’ll distract me from my grief. But what can I do? I had no artistic talent for all I know. I have no desire in continuing the Jedi path, or in opening a Jedi school. I’ve spent most of my life alone in a desert, so I had no education. I barely learned how to write and read! True, there were places for people like me in Coruscant where I could get a degree – but was scholar knowledge what I wanted? I thought about searching for my family from my mother’s side – but if I learned anything on Exegol, was that family was nothing more but a disappointment – so what’s the point?</p><p>I also considered starting a family of my own. After all, it wasn’t uncommon for men to try and hit on me or ask me out when I was strolling down the streets of the city. But if I ever fell in love with another man, I would feel like I betrayed Ben. I know he probably wouldn’t feel that way, as he died hoping I would be happy – but I still can’t bring myself to at least give those guys a chance.</p><p>           I get up and walk towards a bookcase placed in the corner. There, on one of the shelves, I put a wooden basket. It’s full of pieces of paper, each one folded carefully. I fold the letter I’ve just written and I put it in there. Yes, I have a basket with letters to Ben. Does it make me feel better? No. Am I hoping that he will read them one day? No.</p><p>Then why am I doing it?</p><p>Maybe I don’t want him to feel like I’ve forgotten about him. After all, being dead doesn’t grant you the ability to read minds. Maybe it’s already become my own, small ritual that I need to complete every night to find even a little bit of peace of mind.</p><p>I turn my head to the windows. Again, I see thousands of little ships with thousands of passengers inside them.</p><p>I sigh.</p><p>Maybe one day, I will be able to move on. I will look at my lightsaber, and I will feel like I can use it again. I will find purpose in life, and it won’t feel like half of me is missing. But for all I know -  today is not that day.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you so much for reading this story!<br/>I hoped you liked it!<br/>Stay tuned - more one-shots coming soon!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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